Depression Confession.

Stuck in this room I confess, consumed by the painful sound of silence, relentlessly making my heard pound like there’s a hammer in my chest.
No matter how I try I am surrounded by a mess.
Hiding behind fake smiles, and a pretty dress praying you wont notice that I am depressed.
Drenched in sweat as I suffocate in stress.
Everyone keeps telling me, to keep my head up, to focus on the fact that I am blessed.
How can that be when it feels like I am held prisoner on house arrest.
Engrossed by all the sadness, anger and painful thoughts I’ve repressed.
I find myself sparring all the feelings I have neglected to express.
Every time I attempt to confront them I digress.
I am Struck by emotions all I am feeling is distressed.
It’s like I am stranded in an emotional nest.
Never ceasing the devastating thoughts that I will never have any progress
My subconscious holding me captive, as personal prisoner of personal psychological warfare in the wild west.
Everyday I wake up with every intention to do my best.
Constantly finding myself wishing I could find a way to obstruct my negativity with an emotion proof vest.
Denying myself the chance to make amends with painful feeling I’ve suppressed.
Perpetual sense of being broken, emptiness is a danger I bequest.
I feel my heart and my mind, begging and pleading with me in protest.
Beseeching myself that my self-loathing is not worthy to re-invest.
My thoughts continue invalidating all the feelings I have left unexpressed.
I’ve spent all this time avoiding the truth that has yet to be mentally processed.
I’m tired of the empty feelings in my chest.
Constantly treating myself as though I am some foul pest.
My perception of my self has been abscess.
Every morning I wake up and in a costume I am dressed.
You would be surprised how much makeup can suppress.
If you could see how I truly feel myself, you would be impressed.
My ability to fake confidence, self-love and respect you would find it difficult to digest.
I don’t take pride in my ability to hide my self-loathing in a twisted and tormented emotional toy chest.
Don’t be mistaken I have not desire to live a life that is possessed.
It’s painful how uncontrollably haunted by emotional distress.
Executing the coping mechanisms and techniques my therapist suggests.
I urge my heart and mind to place confidence in realizing I’m not just second best.
Making sure every thought I access doesn’t contradict any confidence I behest.
I refuse to continue living a life of agony and pain in a life that is dispossessed.
I will not give in to any self detest.
For every negative thought I will find a positive one to attest.
I will not lose every step I have taken, in the many ways I’ve progressed.
Even if I’m in a sea of hatred, I will always find inspiration in my subconscious life vest.
You might look at me an assume there is some truth in the confidence I appear to possess.
My is that one day you are no longer deceived by the persona I suggest.
If only I could find my mind and my heart confidently at rest.
Knowing with every fiber of my being no matter what I am at my best.

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