Living with CRPS, Poems

The Battle Against My Enemy Within

When I was diagnosed with CRPS I thought, this must be a joke.
The doctor gave me a moment, then next is what he spoke,
He would do everything he could, to set my nerves at ease
I never expected next I would learn, its also called the “Suicide Disease”

It was as if time stopped, it was harder to breathe, I dropped to my knee’s begging and pleading for this to be a lie
There is no way this could be right, how can I live like this for the rest of my life
Why do I have a disease that makes most people want to die.

The pain gets so bad, I rarely get any sleep, yet a lone find the strength to eat.
Then on the day’s I can’t get out of bed, I lay there trying to accept the defeat.

Most nights, I lay to go to sleep, my body puts up a fight,
As I lay in bed, I stare at the ceiling, by body inevitably finds nothing but pain in sight.

Just like that, the war begins quickly taking over my skin
There is nothing I can do to defend myself,
Its impossible to strike back, as the battle against my enemy with in begins.

The first weapon is drawn, a tripwire ignites, causing pain in my leg that’s not even imaginable.
My nerves are like a bomb exploding, penetrating my leg with shrapnel.
Each explosion hurts more than the last, revealing this may not be eradicable.

I hold back a scream, I sink in defeat trying to restrain a tear from rolling down my cheek,
I don’t understand, why this has happened to me, yet this is only half the answers I seek
I plead with the pain, begging it to leave me be, I can’t live feeling so weak
The first battle is lost before I can even retreat, it feels like a torch is aimed at my feet.

The fire ignites, slithering up my leg like a venomous snake, and this is when it hits me, there’s not much more I can take.
The pain invades my body, not asking for help, grasping for anything in sight.
I’m left hoping and praying, for any relieve, to save me from the pain tonight.

The doctor’s say there’s no cure, or even a guarantee of remission.
They give me my options, as if I even have a decision.
Especially when the doctors admit they can’t do much for my nerve condition.

Some people say it’s just pain, that it can’t be that bad. Just because you can’t see nerves doesn’t mean my pain isn’t true.
If only they understood the pain is so bad, even the meds won’t do.
All I can do now, is wait for treatment option number two.

2 thoughts on “The Battle Against My Enemy Within”

  1. Wow, thank you for sharing this. Your poem was very thought provoking. You gave us such a strong insight to your experience. Keep sharing your story, you’re inspiring more people than you relise. Sending you spoonie love and hugs 💝

    Liked by 1 person

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