This post is Dedicated to my loving sweet boyfriend Nathan Shelby
Being Single was Exhausting….There are so many books on self help, self love, relationships; plus the plethora of dating sites. How did people date with out them? We have no idea. Then there is every person who think their advice is the best advice. Then there every person who met the love of their life in high school, married them after college and is living the traditional “American Dream” who doesn’t understand what it is really like to date in a world that is so wrapped up in technology; such as phones, tablets, smart watches plus there is an App for everything now. We all love technology because all of the things we are looking for are available at the tips of our fingers. The down side is that anyone can pretend they are someone else online. It could be a “catfish” where its a completely different person physically or maybe it is the person from the pictures you’ve seen but they aren’t who they say they are.
Before meeting Nate, it was like my life was a constant storm of men who weren’t honest. I’ve been in a relationship with a man to find out not only does he have kids but is also married and hid it from me for months. I have dated men who have stolen money from me, abused me both physically and emotionally, I’ve been cheated on, hell I’ve been broken up with on Christmas Day. I am just 1 woman this is only part of my dating story. I am not the only woman who’s gone through this, if not worse things than you can imagine.
Even after meeting the Love of my life, I know some people may look at me and say “that’s what you said last time”. I can assure you anytime I have stated I love someone, I meant it at that point in time, I would de-validate that because that would be a lie and the truth is some things just don’t work out. That is something that people who met in high school, married after college or people who have what they consider to be a seemingly “perfect marriage” anyone who may be married more than 5 years even, look at those of us who have fallen in love more than once and we feel like they are just waiting for this next relationship to fail.
News Flash, not every person has the luxury of meeting their person when they are 15 years old, or even at 20 hears old, some people might be struggling at 40. That doesn’t mean they have gone through life not trying to find “the one” but some are easier to find than others. Some of us have been through so much in our lives that we look to feel a void. Maybe its a void from someone’s death, it could be caused by health problems, and many more reasons, so instead of looking at who that person really is, they look past all of the “signs” because the thrill of finally getting love or attention is more important in that moment than the penalty you have to pay when it all comes crumbling down.
There is no “key” to a perfect dating life. Heck, some people don’t need one or want one. Some people are perfectly fine with never being in a relationship or to get married, and the truth is there is nothing wrong with that either. I am lucky enough to be able to say I have found my person after 27 years of living in this world, I have been dating since I was 15 years old so that’s 12 years of dating a range some really sweet men to some absolute pricks.
I have been asked by some, how do I know its for real? How do I know he is my forever person. The answer is simple, if he wasn’t my one and only, why would he have stuck around through everything. No man would ever stick around in a woman’s life after only dating for a few weeks, to spending the next nearly 9 months caring for me while sick. A few weeks into the relationship, spending nights in the hospital room with you not wanting you to be alone. Offering to help take care of you so your mom doesn’t have to. No man would stick around with a woman who can hardly go out on dates, have fun, or travel even if he didn’t truly love her.
As I sit here and reflect on the past nearly 9 months I think about how grateful, blessed and truly lucky I am to have met Nate precisely when I did. I know with out a shadow of a doubt if we can make it through these health problems by leaning on each other for strength, comfort, humor and compassion we can make it through anything as long as we do it together. Some people who have been married for years and years might have ended after going through something like this. When someone is sick it completely alters the relationship, how you view one and other. I am one of the lucky ones who regardless if I am sick, icky looking or feeling he still manages to see me as “Beautiful” and sparks a flame in my heart when he can’t resist but feel amazed at “how I manage to stay so beautiful when being so sick”. I truly never believed a man like him still existed; I will spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of his compassion, equal to his love because sometimes I find myself sitting here wondering how I got to be so lucky to begin with.
The point is, if your still dating around, don’t beat yourself up. Take your time because they come into your life when you least expect it. If your someone who is married, in a long term relationship, ect. instead of judging someone for their history of dating “mistakes” especially if you don’t know what it is like to date in 2018 and how hard it is.
Until Next Time….